“The truth will piss you off before it sets you free”
This is the phrase that came to mind when I received, what was supposed to be, constructive feedback on a situation. I sent an email to someone in a professional capacity to find out what I could do to improve, to express the issues I was having and to get a better understanding of what I needed to do to give them what they needed professionally.
The flood gates opened!
In a nutshell I was told that I was lazy and incompetent; that I should be lucky to be because I had no experience from jump…and how dare I question the training expertise of someone with oodles more experience. Oh and my email that was about what I need to do to improve? Was rude because I insulted the receiver.
I won’t even get into how fish grease hot I was…for two weeks. I mean I was HOT y'all! PISSED! I won’t even get into the holes I poked in her reply (to myself and to E.) or how I’ve read it every single day since she sent it. I also won’t say how this person, who I considered my friend, friend, has been talking behind my back. Nope, won’t do it. However, reading her email and knowing what I know about her personal life, makes a lot of things that has/is going on in her life make complete sense now; but I won’t talk about that either.
I will talk about how I had to stop being angry long enough to take the constructive criticism out of the email which was what I initially needed. Those criticisms are appreciated. Nonetheless, things are now strained and stressful. I also feel things are brewing that I have no control over so I am thinking and behaving proactively. I have no worries about those things because I TRULY know where my help comes from.
The thing that hurts the worst is that I am losing a friend. Someone I loved like family, someone I shared secrets and inside jokes with, whose kids I cared about, whose life I cared about. I will miss that so much. Today, however, I will officially cry it out and come to peace with how this former friendship is ending. My heart truly aches because of it. One thing I’m certain of is that I know my heart will heal and I will still be open to building new friendships.
“People enter your life for a season, reason or lifetime”
I think that’s how that quote goes.